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Sunday, April 22, 2018

Frequently Asked Question: Is This Incest?

One frequently asked question is whether dating this person would be incest, or if doing this activity with a close relative is incest. The question is posed in different ways…

Is this incest?
Is it incest to date my in-law?
Is it incest to date my adopted sister?
Is it incest to date my adopted brother?
Is it incest to date my stepbrother?
Is it incest to date my stepsister?
Is it incest to date my uncle?
Is it incest to date my aunt?
Is it incest to date my cousin?
Is it incest to kiss my brother?
Is it incest to kiss my sister?
It it incest if my sibling and I have masturbated in front of each other?

The subtext is usually, “Is it wrong?

First of all, regardless of laws, I see nothing wrong with any kind of physical affection, contact, or companionship between any consenting adults or minors who are close in age, as long as existing vows to others are not being violated. This includes dating, literally sleeping together, seeing each other nude, hand-holding, hugging, kissing (of any sort,) contact with genitals, intercourse, living together, marrying, etc. If these people are right for each other and want this with each other, then it shouldn’t be anyone else’s place to object.

As I always point out, I’m writing about consensual experimentation, exploration, affection, making out, sex, love, dating, partnering, living together, and marriage. I’m not talking about assault, molestation, abuse, or coercion. If someone forces themselves on you, that is wrong regardless of their relation to you.

What is incest? That depends on who you ask. The definition I once found at Wikipedia was

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Myth: Only Defective People Experience GSA

Reality: The only thing that fills in the blank of  “Only ___ experience reunion Genetic Sexual Attraction” is “introduced or reunited close genetic relatives.”

When someone says that only people who are [fill in the blank with whatever thing they think is an insult or pejorative] experiences reunion Genetic Sexual Attraction, they are speaking out of prejudice and ignorance. They might dismiss all people who experience GSA as being lonely, desperate for attention, rebellious, immoral, hypersexed, promiscuous, lacking boundaries, weak, lacking self-control, ignorant, uneducated, freaks, losers, unattractive, or whatever.

It’s not true.

People who experience GSA come from every demographic in every part of the world. There are attractive, outgoing, popular, successful, wealthy, disciplined, educated people who’ve experienced GSA, many of whom have been or still are, sexually involved. Their sex lives may have been rather average or even conservative before GSA. People who’ve experienced GSA come from diverse racial, professional, financial, political, and religious backgrounds.

Nobody's perfect, and it is tempting for the ignorant to point to some shortcoming or something missing in the life of someone experiencing GSA and insist it is the reason the person is experiencing GSA or having a consanguinamorous relationship. Or, it can be temping to point out how someone is different than you and blame that. It just doesn't match up to reality.

Based on the diverse backgrounds and situations and characteristics of people who've experienced GSA, it is apparent that is not the result of anything being "wrong" with the person who experiences it.

See Myth: Acting on GSA is Wrong or Destructive

See Myth: People Who Act on GSA Won't Be Able to Have Normal Lives
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Saturday, April 21, 2018

How Nonmonogamous People Can Avoid Trouble


Believe it or not, there are still criminal laws in many places criminalizing consensual sex and relationships between adults.

It doesn't matter to them how loving, happy, and lasting the relationships are. It apparently doesn't matter to the people interfering that every dollar or minute they spend trying to stop consenting adults from loving each other is a dollar or minute that could instead go into protecting people, especially children, against predators.

In addition to the persecution and prosecution of consanguinamorous people, polyamorists, polygamists, and other ethical nonmonogamists can face discrimination and even prosecution.
Some awesome people put together a very helpful lists of state laws for polyamorous people in the US or considering moving to the US. First, note the disclaimer that there is an ever-present at the bottom of this blog. I'll mostly repeat it here:
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Thursday, April 19, 2018

Myth: Acting on GSA is Wrong or Destructive

Reality: Acting romantically or sexually on Genetic Sexual Attraction is neither inherently wrong nor destructive. As with any other factor when it comes to relationships, not every situation is the same. Some people just aren’t right for each other. Some people want to keep a vow of monogamy to someone else. Some people want a partner that is close in age, and their GSA relative is significantly older or younger. There are many different things that come into play in relationships. That consenting adults are close genetic relatives does not make a romantic or sexual involvement with each other wrong.

Different people are going to have different moral guidelines about sex, but consanguinamory by people who were not raised together or by one another (which is the situation with reunion GSA) is not considered wrong by everyone or all cultures. Nor is there anything inherently destructive about it, but rather some find it constructive.

For some, it is the best of all possibilities; it is wonderful, lasting, and fulfilling.

What can be destructive is prejudice against GSA or consanguinamory, expressed through criminal prosecution or attacks by family or others.  There is no good reason to deny consenting adults their basic rights when it comes to relationships and their sexuality. Family and friends might benefit from reading this.

See Myth: GSA is Unnatural

See Myth: Only Defective People Experience GSA
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Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Why Polyandry Should Be Legalized

Polyandry should be legalized because the freedom of association, including the right to marry, is a basic human right and marriage equality means an adult having the freedom to marry any and all consenting adults.

An adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (or any of those without the others) with any and all consenting adults, without fear of prosecution, bullying, or discrimination.

Adults should be free to love each other how they mutually agree.

There is no good reason to deny the civil rights of polyandrous people or deny their relationships equality.

Some people thrive the most within polyandrous relationships. Polyandry isn't for everyone, but some people enjoy polyandry.


Polyandry means having more than one husband; as such, it is a form of polygamy. There are places in the world where such relationships are traditional. There are relationships all over the world that function this way.

Fortunately, polyandrous-style relationships aren't criminalized in general in most countries that don't require all relationships be functionally monogamous or polygynous, even though it is illegal in places like the US and the UK to register as having more than one husband at the same time.

Lets make full marriage equality happen sooner rather than later, so that anyone who wants a polyandrous relationship will be truly free to have one.
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Tuesday, April 17, 2018

An Intergenerational Relationship in the News

While adult intergenerational relationships are not criminalized or denied the right to marry in the US, they can still face discrimination and harassment. We do support the right for people to have these relationships and to marry. A younger adult should be free to marry an older adult. As we've pointed out here before, intergenerational relationships can work and they aren't inherently abusive.

When someone says "She's old enough to be your grandmother!" a good response is "So what?" A woman his age is "old enough to be his sister." So? And what if this woman was his grandmother? What does it matter?

It seems they met and possibly married when he was still 17, which is legal in some places. The age of consent in some states is 16. They claim they didn't have sex until they were married (and yes, 17-yeaar-olds can legally marry in some places). He's now 19 and she's 72.

mirror.co.uk...
Gary had just broken up with another woman aged 77, and admits he knew Almeda was 'the one' as soon as he locked eyes with the grandmother of six.
Two weeks into their whirlwind romance, Gary popped the question and they tied the knot just six days later in a ceremony which he arranged for just £137.
That's not generally something I would advise, but there some relationships that do work out under such conditions. I think it is helpful that it wasn't his first relationship with an older woman. The article says they've been together for two years, and that's a lot longer than some!



The happy couple are more than aware that a lot of people disagree with the nature of their relationship.

That's the way things are. People think that because something isn't for them, nobody else should do it.

Gary said: “What does the future hold for Gary and Almeda? I believe amazing things.

“We want to pursue our dreams on YouTube and be able to inspire more and more people every day that age is just a number – it should not matter.
“As long as you’re in love with that person, you should follow your heart and be happy and be yourself.”
My best advice to people looking to marry is to wait at least until their into their late 20s, but there are exceptions.
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Monday, April 16, 2018

More Details of and Reaction to Tragic GSA Case

We've been following a tragic case in the news in which a man who apparently experienced reciprocal reunion GSA apparently murdered three people before committing suicide. We've previously linked to reaction from Jane and here's more recent reaction from her.

At post-gazette.com, Nicholas Rondinone and David Owens have more details.
A 911 call reveals that suspected killer Steven Pladl’s daughter, with whom he had a romantic relationship and had fathered a child, broke up with him on Wednesday, one day before police say he killed her, her adoptive father and himself.
Sadly, this sort of violence happens in all sorts of relationships all too often. It can hardly be blamed on GSA.
The 911 call was made in North Carolina by Pladl’s mother on Thursday morning. His mother, who is not identified, told the dispatcher that Pladl called her at about 8:45 a.m. after opening fire on his daughter and her adoptive father in New Milford. Shortly after he called his mother, Pladl killed himself.
This is so awful.

Adults should be free to have their relationships, and should also be free to end relationships. We can't know for sure what was going through the dead murderer's mind, but he was probably under extreme stress and despair. If the information provided is accurate, he killed his own infant, and then deliberately drove to stalk and murder his genetic daughter and the man who raised her (her legal and social father).

Therapists need to be prepared to help people experiencing GSA, and one way of helping to bring that about will be ending criminalization of GSA and discrimination against consanguinamory.
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Sunday, April 15, 2018

Myth: GSA is Unnatural

Reality: Genetic Sexual Attraction is a normal and natural reaction to the circumstances.

While it is very common for people who spent their childhoods in the same residence together or were raised by one another, whether genetically related or not, to develop a suppression of sexual attraction to each other (this has been described as the Westermarck Effect), close genetic relatives who were not raised together or by one another don’t develop this suppression towards each other. Nor do all people who were raised together or by one another.

They may not be attracted to each other, but they may be. They may even be intensely attracted to each other. Even if intensely attracted to each other, they may not be right for each other. Or, they may be right for each and might go on to have lifelong happiness together.

Studies reveal most people are attracted to people who look like them. Who looks like more you than your close genetic relatives? While not all introductions or reunions result in attraction, many do. And sometimes, the attraction is mutual.

Not only can they look like each other, share genes, and share other traits, but an adult genetic child can look like their other parent; someone to whom the reuniting genetic parent may have had an attraction (especially if the child was conceived through intercourse.) Or, this virtual social stranger can look like your sibling, custodial parent, or other family members, creating a sense of bonding or familiarity.

See Myth: Anyone Experiencing GSA Needs Therapy

See Myth: Acting on GSA is Wrong or Destructive
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Saturday, April 14, 2018

Cautious Consanguinamory


So, someone you already love wants to love you more, and you want to love them more; you’re mutually attracted. And you’ve considered the pros and cons and have decided to go for it. You want to add sexual affection to your relationship.

But you feel a need to go slowly.


You could be nervous and very cautious because it is new, because such experiences are an unknown to you, or because you’ve internalized cultural prejudices

How do you move forward with care?
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Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Myth: Anyone Experiencing GSA Needs Therapy

Reality: Therapy won’t always be necessary, but since there is so much prejudice against those who experience Genetic Sexual Attraction, someone who is experiencing it might benefit from therapy.

Experiencing GSA is not an indication that anything is wrong with the person experiencing it. GSA is a normal, natural reaction to the circumstances.

Being reunited with, or introduced to, a close genetic relative who hasn’t been in your life can be enough to prompt therapy, depending on the situation. Add GSA, and yes, therapy can be helpful.

The prejudices, stigmas, and taboos involved in GSA situations, internalized by those involved or not, can be enough of a burden to make therapy beneficial.

However, not everyone who experiences GSA needs therapy. Some people who experience GSA continue to function well without having had therapy.

If someone does need therapy, it would be helpful if they weren’t ostracized or criminalized, and could find a therapist familiar with the issues involved. This is one reason we need to bring GSA and consanguinamory out of the shadows.

See Myth: Only Someone Who Was Abused or Neglected Experiences GSA

See Myth: GSA is Unnatural
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